


This is Who I Am

by Peggystormborn



Series: Every Time...A Karamel Anthology [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon compliant through end of season 3, KaraMel, Karamel spent 10 years in the future then came back with their kids, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Minor Alex Danvers, Minor James "Jimmy" Olsen, Minor Kara Danvers/Mon-El
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 07:12:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15552405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peggystormborn/pseuds/Peggystormborn
Summary: Recently returned from the 31st Century with her husband and children, Kara decides to finally tell Lena the truth. About everything.





	This is Who I Am

**Author's Note:**

> So I thought a lot about how this might go down. How to write it in a way that felt real. It's tough, because this is one of those things that is pretty hard to swallow on the show. How the hell could Lena not know at this point? 
> 
> Anyway, I hope I've done it justice. I'd love to hear what you think! Feel free to write in competing head canons.

This is who I am

“So…you going to work today?” her husband asks her, with genuine curiosity. Ordinarily, this would be a simple question. But not today. Not for her.

She's been gone for nearly ten years. Ten years of living in the future, marrying the love of her life, having four beautiful children, and trying to keep together a brittle interplanetary alliance while protecting the innocent from harm. She's a Legionnaire now. A wife and mother, and she's a very different person than the one who left. These are not things she could reasonably hide, even if she wanted to. Not from the people she cares most about, anyway.

She'd lived openly in the future, her identity long since unveiled by history. It was terrifying and liberating all at once. She knows it will be strange to have to go back to pretending to be mild-mannered Kara Danvers, but it's a necessity, to protect the people she loves in this time. And it's what's best for her children, too. Her biggest fear living in the 31st century was that her and Mon-El's work with the Legion would put her family at risk. It's part of why they came back. There will always be more to do in the future, but the kids would be safer in this time. And they'd get to live a normal life. Or something like it.

Of course, Lena knows none of this. As far as she's aware, Kara left work on Friday, after giving her an oddly long hug, and was expected back in the office Monday morning. Kara is still trying to get used to the fact that less than 72 hours has passed for everyone here. It feels like a lifetime to her. She can't even remember the password to her laptop, or the name of the guy whose desk is catty-corner from hers. Grife, it's going to be a weird day.

“Yeah. Yeah I think so. I need to see James and…what we talked about? I've decided. I'm going to tell Lena the truth and let the chips fall where they may. I mean, I'm not going to tell her right away, I'm going to talk to James first, but soon.”

“Okay. I support you. Big step, though. You think she'll take it all right?”

“No. But I'm hopeful we can work it out.”

Mon-El continues making breakfast for the kids in Kara's old loft. Strange as it is to be back here, since the last time he spent any time in this kitchen was before he left the first time nearly 18 years ago (for him), he is surprised at how much he remembers. Where the pots and pans are, how to jiggle the knob on the stove to get it to exactly the right temperature, which coffee mug his wife prefers. He flips pancakes and preps the eggs and bacon while telling Allie and the twins the story about his very first breakfast here all those years ago, when he didn't even know that pancakes are meant to be eaten not with one's hands but with a knife and fork. And syrup. Many giggles ensue.

It's a bit of a tight fit with everyone living together in the loft, but Allie is having a blast “camping out” on the couch, the twins have been sleeping in bed with Mom and Dad for months anyway, and baby John doesn't take up too much space in his crib at the foot of the bed. Besides, it's not as though their living space at Legion HQ, or on the ship, were any bigger. Still, they will eventually have to find a more spacious place to live.

Kara finishes breakfast with her family, and gets dressed in clothes she hasn't worn in a decade--over top of her trusty supersuit. Thankfully, her Kryptonian genes mean she never puts on weight and ages about a tenth as fast as human beings, so she looks exactly the same as she did when she left. Finally, she kisses her children and husband, grabs her bag and heads off to her old job. Which, as far as most people here know, is her only job.

First stop, of course, is James.

“Hi, boss.” She smiles at him, trying to hold back a tear threatening to burst forth.

He looks up from his laptop and smiles back, expectantly.

“Hi, Kara. So…what's new?”

“A lot. A LOT a lot.” She sits down in front of his desk, trying to figure out where to even start. Trying to find the words.

“How long?” he asks.

“Ten years,” she replies, a little weakly.

He takes a deep breath, trying to wrap his head around it. To him, it's been just a few days. She'd told him about her plan to spend time in the future, but he'd been thinking months, a year or two at most. But ten? Wow.

“What have you been doing?”

“Well, usual stuff, you know, protecting people. But the biggest news is…well, I'm a mom.”

James's mouth drops open in surprise as Kara pulls out her phone and shows him pictures of the kids.

“Four? You have FOUR children? My God, Kara. I…just…wow. Wow. So I assume things worked out between you and Mon-El?”

She nods happily. “We got married eight years ago. He's at the loft now with the whole lot of them, if you want to come by later and say Hi.”

“Yeah..yeah, I'll definitely do that. So…what about Lena?”

“I'm going to tell her. I should have done it back then...I mean…well, you know what I mean. But there's just no way I can hide my kids from her, you know?”

“No, I don't think you could.”

“So...it'll be what it'll be. She'll forgive me or she won't. What about you? She might not be happy finding out _you_ kept this from her as well.”

“Don't worry about that. We'll be okay. And this way I don't have to keep it a secret any more, which would be a relief. When are you gonna tell her?”

“Best to rip off the band-aid. Does she have plans tonight?”

********

Kara stands in front of the door to Lena's apartment. She takes a deep breath in and out. Then another. Hands shaking a little, she finally knocks.

The door opens and there is her old friend, in the flesh.

“Hey! Come on in! Gosh, I feel like it's been ages since we've seen each other.” Kara stifles a laugh at this remark. Ages, indeed.

“I've just been so busy in the lab and helping Supergirl. But I've missed you!” Lena continues.

“Yeah…yeah, me too.” Kara sits on the couch as Lena pours a bottle of wine. _Good_ , Kara thinks. _A little alcohol might do this conversation some good._

“So how are things?” Lena asks. “You know, I never got a chance to ask you how your assignment went a few months back. I thought you'd be gone a lot longer, I was surprised when James said you were already back at Catco.”

“Yeah, about that…” Kara stops, words escaping her. How can she even begin to tell her all of this?

“Are you okay? You seem…something’s off with you. What happened, did you and Ray break up?”

 _Ray? Oh sweet Rao, she thinks I'm still dating Ray_.

“Uh, well yes, we did.”

“Oh, damn. I'm sorry. I wish I'd gotten a chance to meet him. He sounded nice. James said he was really smart, too. Physicist? Or something? Would have been fun to talk shop with him. I did see him once, from a distance. He was pretty cute.”

“Uh, yeah, it was an amicable split. We're just friends now.”

“Well, at least it gave you a chance to move on from Mon-El. I know that was really hard for you. Though honestly, I think you can do better than him.”

 _Oh, Rao_.

“Actually, about Mon-El…”

“What? Is he back again? I thought you said he'd left for good this time.”

“I thought he had, but…”

“Kara, you can't keep letting him jerk you around. I know it wasn't his fault he left the first time, but you said when he came back he was already with someone else? And then he just took off again? I know he's a good guy but I just don't think you two are meant to be.”

“Yes, we are.”

“Oh, honey, I know you still have feelings for him, but you two are so different. He's an alien, always running off to do God knows what with Supergirl…he's just not boyfriend material.”

“He's my husband, Lena.” Kara snaps.

“What? Kara, what are you talking about?”

“I came here tonight because I need to tell you the truth. About myself. About my life. About my family. And about him.”

Lena stares at her, like a cornered animal confronted by a predator. Kara thinks she sees a hint of fear in her eyes, but there's something more there, too. Like this prey may just be ready to pounce.

Kara takes another deep breath.

“Lena, I'm…”

“Don't.”

“Don't…what?”

“Whatever you're going to say, just don't.”

“Why not?”

“I've always known there were things about your life that you didn't want to say. But whatever it is, I don't need to know.”

Kara sighs. “Lena, I can't keep hiding things from you.”

“Why not? You've been doing it for years.”

“Lena, are you...scared?”

“Yes. Because whatever it is...I know it's something bad. Something that will change things between us.”

“...yes.”

“So what's the point? Why can't things just stay the same?”

“Because, Lena, I'm a mother now.”

Lena stares at her, totally floored.

“Kara, what are you saying, are you...pregnant?”

“No. I _was_ pregnant.”

“When?”

“Well, a few years ago…”

“Oh, god, is that all?” Lena interrupts again. “What, you had a child and gave it up for adoption? Jesus, Kara, all these years I thought you stole someone's identity or committed a terrible crime or something. Your back story had these massive holes in it and, well, I may have looked up records on you when we first became friends and, I mean, there's nothing before age 13. It's like you didn't exist. But you never said anything, so I just assumed there was something horrible that happened before that. Maybe something to do with your birth parents. But I figured whatever happened when you were young, well, that's none of my business. Honestly, I'm sorry, I guess it's my tendency to assume the worst of people. Growing up a Luthor and all. But what does this have to do with Mon-El?”

Kara sighs. “Lena, I'm Supergirl.”

“Ha, ha.” Lena deadpans.

“No, Lena, really. I was born Kara Zor-El of Krypton. I left at 13 when my planet exploded, then I came here…”

“Okay. You know what, Kara? I don't know what kind of game you're playing. But nothing you've said since you got here has made any sense. So either you're having some kind of breakdown, or…”

“...or I'm telling the truth. Lena…”

“I'm calling Alex.”

“Fine. Go ahead. But she'll tell you I'm not crazy. And I'm not lying. Look, I know I should have told you all this a long time ago...”

“No...no, no, no, NO. Because if that were true, that would mean my best friend, the person I trust more than anyone else, has been lying. To my face, for years. And I don't accept that.”

“Lena, I'm sorry. I was trying to protect you.”

“You know what? I think you should leave. I don't know if you're messing with me or if you're having some kind of break with reality, but obviously you're not Supergirl. That's insane. So just go, Kara.”

“I can prove it. Do you want me to prove it? I can levitate, or shoot heat vision, or use my cold breath…”

“You can use the door. Just go.” Lena walks over and opens her front door. Kara sighs and walks through it.

*********

The next evening, Kara and Mon-El have Alex over for dinner. Afterwards, the older kids are rewarded for their lovely table manners with a little TV time, while Alex and Mon-El tackle the dishes and Kara nurses the baby.

“So…” Alex starts. “I got a very worried, slightly angry sounding message from Lena. Sounds like things didn't go too well. Are you okay?”

“Not really. She thinks I'm lying. Or crazy. I tried to prove it to her and she kicked me out.”

“Ouch. I'm sorry. Now what?”

“I have no idea. Give her some space for a few days, then try again? I dunno, what's the protocol for telling your best friend you've been lying about your entire identity and then having her think you're going nuts? With the added weirdness of suddenly being ten years older than you were last week and having four new tiny people in your life?”

“I think you have to accept that it's possible this just won't work, Kara.”

“...I know.”

Just then there's a knock on the door. Kara looks through it. “Speak of the devil,” she says.

She hands off her young son to his father and answers the door.

“Hi, Lena.”

“Kara. Hi. Can I come in?” she asks, a bit sheepishly.

“Sure. You can meet everyone.”

“What do you mean _everyone_? Who's here?”

Kara ushers her friend in and points her toward the couch, where three small people in pajamas are watching the Wizard of Oz.

“Kara, what is this? Whose kids are these?”

“They're mine, Lena. Mine and Mon-El’s.” She points at her husband, who waves, baby still cradled in his other arm. Lena stares blankly.

“Lena, this is all part of what I wanted to tell you. I've been away. For a long time. I know this is a lot to take in and it sounds utterly ridiculous, but it's true. I've…been traveling in time. To the 31st century, to be exact. I spent 10 years away and now I'm back, finally. And if you still don't believe I'm Supergirl, well…” with that, she lifts off the ground and hovers close to the ceiling for a moment. Lena just stares at the whole scene, blankly.

“Mama flying!” says Zora. Her twin brother Xander looks over for a moment then returns his attention to Dorothy and Toto. Five-year-old Allie, suddenly interested in whatever is going on with the adults, walks over to Lena. 

“Mommy, why are you flying in front of this lady? I thought we weren't supposed to tell people here about our powers.”

Lena is now white as a sheet, her legs starting to buckle as she stares at this tiny version of her friend Kara. Blonde hair, blue eyes. She's the spitting image of...her mother.

In a flash, Mon-El is behind Lena, holding a chair under her with his baby-free hand and making sure she doesn't collapse. “Whoa, there. We got you. I know this is a lot to deal with.” Lena turns her head to look at him, but still says nothing.

Kara floats back down. She picks up her eldest, and walks her over to Lena, now more or less a puddle being propped up by the seat she occupies.

“Allie, honey, this is an old friend of mine, Lena. Say hello.”

“Hello,” the child answers. “Are you an alien, too?”

“No, she's a human. And she's only just found out about the whole time-traveling superpowered aliens thing, so she might need a minute. Why don't you get some cookies for you, your brother and your sister, okay?” Allie happily skips over to Aunt Alex, holding out the cookie jar. Lena says nothing, just keeps staring at Kara, then at Alex, then at Mon-El, then at the kids.

“Lena? Are you okay?” Kara asks.

“I came here…” she croaks, “because I felt bad about kicking you out when you clearly needed help. But I guess you don't.”

“No.”

“All this time...”

“I know. I'm so sorry.”

“Why?” Lena looks up at Kara, eyes brimming with tears.

“Why did I lie to you? Well, like I said, I was trying to protect you.”

“No, Kara, why did you befriend me in the first place?”

“What do you mean, why wouldn't I want to be your friend?”

“I'm a Luthor. My brother tried...is still trying…to kill Superman…who's your…”

“My cousin. I know Lena, but that's never mattered to me. You're not him, I never doubted that.”

“That's not the point, Kara. The point is if he found out we were friends he could potentially use our relationship to hurt your cousin. Or you. Or me even. Jesus, he already tried to kill me once. And what about my mother?”

“Your mother knows already.” Lena’s expression morphs from shocked to appalled.

“Why didn't…why didn't _she_ tell me?”

“She preferred to let you find out on your own. She thought you would hate me if you knew.” After a long pause, Kara continues. “Do you? Hate me?”

Lena just stares at her.

After long moments, she finally says, “You didn't really answer me before. Why was it so important to you for us to be friends? You put both of us at risk. And...I mean, were you ever planning on telling me? If this…whatever this is…this supposed time travel thing hadn't happened?

“Honestly? No. But as I said, I hid the truth to protect you.”

Lena rolls her eyes at that. “You keep saying that,” she scoffs. “But if you really cared that much about protecting me you never should have let me into your life…or half your life, anyway.”

“Lena, when we met you clearly needed a friend.”

“So, what, you took pity on me?”

“No, you didn't need my pity. But I thought I could be there for you. Make your life better. That's what I do, I help people.”

“Oh, bullshit, Kara.” She stops herself and looks at the kids, hoping they didn't hear her curse. “You know how hard it is for me to trust people. You must have known what it would do to me to find out you lied.” Tears are now trickling down Lena's face, and the sick feeling in Kara's stomach that started when Lena walked through the door starts to grow into a heavy clenching in her gut.

“So why?” Lena continues. “Why did you pursue me as a friend? Because you know what I think? I think you weren't trying to help me. I think you never trusted me, right from the start. I think you kept me close to make sure I wasn't secretly plotting some scheme with Lex or my mother.

“That's not true, Lena.”

“Or maybe you just wanted one friend to bitch to about your fake life who wouldn't bother you with pesky questions about being an alien.”

“Lena…”

“God, I can't believe this. And _you_ had the audacity to get pissed at _me_ for being secretive about helping Sam! Not to mention the whole Kryptonite thing! Then when I told you _to your face_ that I didn't want to be friends with you, _Supergirl_ , you just, what, turned back into Kara and poof! Everything's just fine, right?”

“I'm so sorry, Lena.”

“For what? For proving there's no one in my life who I can _actually_ trust?”

Tears burst forth and roll down Kara's face at that.

“Lena, the more people know my secret, the greater the chances are of it being used against me. Or the people I love.”

“What about James? Does he know?”

A long pause. “...Yes.”

“Jesus Christ. Guess that's everyone, then.”

“Lena…you said you knew I was hiding a secret. Did you really never suspect this could be it?”

“No. I assumed it was something long buried. Something that only affected YOU. It never occurred to me you would lie to me for so long about something as big as leading a double life. I mean, I thought you were my best friend. And it turns out I don't even know who you are!”

“I am you best friend. I wasn't lying about how much I care about you.”

“So asking James to break into my lab…that was you being my friend?”

Kara gulps. “We've been through this, Lena.”

“No, I never talked to _Supergirl_ about this. I only talked about it with my _best friend Kara_.” She spits these words with venom.

Kara glances up at her husband and sister, who are watching with concern and compassion. This isn't going well at all, and the rising tension in the room is palpable to everyone. All except the children (Kara hopes).

“You know what's really rich?” Lena muses, through her anger and tears. “How much you hate liars. You were livid when you found out I could make Kryptonite. Hell, didn't you tell me you broke up with _him_ once just for lying about who he was?” She points an accusatory finger towards Mon-El, who takes a deep breath and hoists his infant son a little higher up on his shoulder, nuzzling the child into his neck a little.

“And I forgave him.” Kara states simply, as calmly as she can muster. Trying desperately to fortify the dam holding back the flood of emotions she's feeling right now.

“Well. That's nice for you.” Lena says, and grabs her purse. As she's walking towards the door, Kara stops her.

“Lena, wait. I understand if you can't forgive me. But I need to know you won't tell anyone. I have four children, and their safety depends on my secret staying safe.”

Lena looks at her for a long moment. “Fine,” she replies icily, closing the door behind her as she goes.

When Kara turns around, Mon-El is there, wrapping his arms around her and whispering reassuring Kryptonian words in her ear as she buries her tear-stained face in his shoulder.

*******

Two months go by. Kara catches sight of Lena coming and going at Catco on occasion, using the elevator Cat Grant installed for the personal use of the CEO. It’s far enough from Kara's desk that Lena can avoid looking at her. She suspects James is acting as referee, making it easier for Lena to steer clear of being in her former friend's immediate vicinity.

She watches Lena go one afternoon, elevator doors shutting with a barely audible hiss. She skulks over to James's office, where he's half-heartedly clicking away on his laptop with one hand while twirling a pen in the other.

“Hey.”

He looks up, his face written with…well, with pity, most likely. “Hey, Kara.”

“Soooo…no change, huh?” She sits down on the plush chair in front of his desk.

“I'm still working on her. Took her a few days to forgive me, I still have hope she'll come around.”

Kara nods and sighs.

“I know she misses you. Just like I'm sure you missed her when you were...away. Which, I gotta be honest, I still can't quite wrap my head around.”

“Understandable. I hardly can, and I lived it.” She pauses. “I sent you some photos. Of us and the kids, over the years.”

“I saw. They're…well, they're amazing, Kara. Allie, my God, I can't believe how smart she is. Guess the educational system in the future is pretty good, huh?”

Kara laughs through her pain. “It is. Well, it was sort of a Legion homeschool situation. She's really special, though. She's going to do amazing things. They all are.”

“Like their parents.”

Kara feigns a smile and stands to leave.

“Kara, wait. I was thinking…Lena's big sticking point isn't even really the lie. I mean, obviously that's a big part of it. But…she feels like it was too big a risk. You guys being friends. And she's got a point. I mean, it would be one thing if you came to that decision together. But you didn't. She didn't have all the information she needed to make that choice. And she feels like you took away her agency.”

“I just thought…she needed a friend.”

“Well, I think she needs to hear a better reason than that.”

Kara hesitates for a long while. Finally she heaves a sigh and says, “When we met, I had...a good feeling about her. I did. But there was this small part of me that saw her like you did…as a Luthor. I tried to deny it, but there it was. And I wanted so much to prove you, and that little voice in my head wrong. But I also thought…well, it occurred to me that everyone has darkness in them. I certainly do. I mean, red Kryptonite? The harun-el splitting Red off from me? Even Overgirl. And…I thought if she ever did feel that temptation to make the wrong choice, that maybe having someone, having a real friend to believe in her, might mean the difference between giving in to the darkness or resisting it.”

James nods slowly, taking in her words. “I’ll keep trying.”

“Thank you, James.”

********

A week later, she finds a note on her desk in familiar handwriting. It says, simply, _My office. 6 pm_. The phrase _Come Alone_ isn't included, but the implication is clear. The message is sort of ominous, but Kara chooses to see it as a good sign. It's movement, anyway. Which direction they're moving in remains to be seen, but either way at least there will be some closure to all this. Soon.

When she arrives, there Lena is at her desk, writing something on a legal pad. The very spot where they first met.

“Hi.”

No response.

Kara just stands there, wondering if she got her hopes up for nothing.

Finally, Lena lifts her head up from her pad. But she doesn't look at Kara. Instead, she swivels her chair to gaze out over the night skyline.

“I didn't want to believe,” she says.

“Believe in what…in me?”

“I didn't ask questions. I was careful.”

“Lena, I don't understand.”

“I knew.”

“...Oh…”

“Not consciously, but the pieces were all there. I actively chose _not_ to put them together.”

“Why not?”

“It was easier…it was nicer. To think you just liked me for me.”

Kara's heart sinks.

“But you were right,” she continues. “About everyone having darkness inside them. Even you.”

Kara knits her eyebrows together, a tiny sliver of hope creeping in.

“Maybe you were right. Everyone needs someone to believe in them. To see the good in them.”

“I always have, you know.”

“I know. Those things I said, I…”

“It's okay. I deserved some harsh words after what I did.”

“Maybe. But friends apologize when they say hurtful things, don't they?”

“So we're still friends?”

“Well, James had the nerve to frame a few photos of you two and your little brood and put them on the wall in his living room. He plays dirty, that one. God damn him. I must admit, they're a bit too adorable to stay away from. And I was thinking that ‘Auntie Lena’ has a pretty nice ring to it.”

Kara, relieved, cracks a smile about a mile wide. “Well, we're free for dinner tomorrow. If you don't mind the strong possibility of leaving my house at the end if the night with Cheerios in your hair and baby spit up on your blouse.”

Lena bursts out laughing. “Sounds perfect!”

As their laughter peters out, Kara's face falls a little. “I never totally trusted you then. I'm sorry for that. Truly. It's so hard, when there's so much at stake. But I do now. Or...I think I'm ready to, anyway. I've been through a lot being gone all this time. It's taught me to cope with my fears better, to let go of some of the baggage that’s always weighed on me.”

“It's all right. I don't think I ever totally trusted you, either. Or myself. Look, we've both made mistakes. Maybe there have been times when I…wasn't totally worthy of your trust.”

“Yeah, maybe I wasn't either, on occasion. I guess we're just two flawed people.”

“So…people, then.”

They sit there looking at each other. Trying to figure out where they go from here.

Finally, Lena says, “I don't think we can just start over here. Too much has happened. But, can we just start from wherever we are, and build from here? Try and get to a better place?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. I know it will take some time. Maybe a lot of time. But I still think you're worth it.”

Lena nods solemnly. “I suppose you can start by telling me what in the hell you've been up to for the last…how many years did you say it was?”

“Ten.”

“Ten years?! Jesus, Kara. That's…gonna take some getting used to. All of this is.”

“Well, I can't tell you everything. There's future timeline stuff to worry about. But I'll be as honest as I can be.”

“I guess I can understand that.”

“I can tell you about my kids. If you're interested.”

Lena's face lights up, but she presses her lips together as though she's thinking hard about something. “I dunno. Super alien kids from the future? Sounds kinda boring.”

They laugh. For a moment it's like no time has passed. Like they're just two good friends hanging out.

“We'll get there,” Lena says.

“I know we will,” her friend replies.


End file.
